Thresher Maw? Think you mean thresher less
by Sparkopilite
Summary: A fight with a thresher, leaves Shepard revealing a little more than intended to her amused squadmates. ME1 based.
1. Chapter 1

The ground rumbling is the only warning the squad has before the thresher maw violently erupts from the ground beneath them. Tali and Ashley are thrown closer to the MAKO, while Shepard is wrapped around the wreckage she was examining seconds earlier. Shepard recovers quickly enough to dodge the first blast of acid, but is hit by the splash back. Reacting purely on instinct she popped all the clips on her armour watching it melt on the ground.

"Fuck!"

Luckily the communicator was attached to her ear, and she could instruct them to drive away. The maw mindlessly started tracking the larger target. Shepard rolls left grabbing her assault rifle, which is miraculously acid free. The Mako fires its main cannon, she winces as the shot goes wide.

"Hey Chief, you think maybe we should have taught Tali the controls?"

"Probably Skipper."

"No worries Chief, just make for those hills. I got this."

Shepard sprints in firing at the eyes, with surprising accuracy. The HWMA X is spewing out incendiary rounds at an incredible rate. Time begins to blur as she ducks and dives around the maw. She winces as some acid catches her on the exposed thigh. All she can do is keep shooting and hope the beast dies in time for her to get medical help.

Another round thunders in from the MAKO this one actually hitting the thresher maw dragging its attention away from the unarmoured wounded Commander. It dives back underground emerging directly under the MAKO, Shepard watches as the vehicle is smashed apart. Tali and Ashley are thrown clear both of whom are still moving after they hit the ground, albeit sluggishly. Shepard snags a high ex grenade off her Gunnery Chief's back pitching it perfectly into the beasts mouth. Finally there is quiet.

"You look like a teenage boys wet dream."

The quiet doesn't last long. Shepard also concedes that Ash has a point. All she had under the armour was underwear so the medical interface can work more efficiently. She is standing in the desert wearing bra and panties. Oh and the sweat glistening off her perfect abs probably isn't helping the fantasy set up.

"Not yours Ash?"

Tali starts giggling. The young quarians giggles intensify as Ashley flips her Commanding Officer the bird, she learnt that hand symbol from the humans quickly.

"Screw you."

"Screw you ..."

"Ma'am. Now come here so I can check your leg. That looked like a nasty hit."

Ashley is astonished to find the thigh in question is barely damaged. "Shepard?"

"Yes Chief?" She is startled by the closeness of the Commanders voice. One hand is holding hers on the bare leg and her their lips are almost touching. Ashley panics and rolls backward making her feet clumsily. Looking closer she can see the hugely diluted pupils that indicate medi-gel overdose.

"You took your suits entire supply of Medi-gel before ditching it didn't you?"

"All the immunity too." She is grinning sloppily and tries to embrace Ashley again.

"Damn."

"I don't understand." Tali is watching the exchange with her head cocked to the side.

"Shepard is high as hell, we have no way to contact the Normandy and our only supplies are scattered around this plain."

"What about," Tali trails off and gestures towards Shepard who has managed to get her hand on Ashley's ass during the short conversation.

"No." Shepard's hand is slapped away, "Well to be perfectly honest I have no idea. At most all the overdoses should do is lower inhibitions. Ohh." She steps away again. "Damn."

Tali is giggling again.

Ashley has managed to scavenge a singlet and cargo pants from MAKO wreckage for Shepard. Currently the Commander and Tali are picking through electronic trash for usable parts for fixing a communicator.

"So Shepard I was unaware your people had markings like that."

"Oh it's a not natural marking, that is a gang tattoo."

Ashley sneaks closer to hear the story, but makes sure to stay out of groping range.

"A gang tattoo? I had heard that those were generally for degenerates."

"Oh they are. But check this out." Shepard shifts the back of her singlet to expose a dirty brand.

"Keelah that looks painful."

"Yea it was. Stupid bloody slavers." She looks sad for a second, "But I managed to get myself sold for being too hard to deal with so all good yea?"

At the touch of Ashley's fingers on the ridged slavers brand, she spins instantly happy.

"Oh Ash, I love you too." The hand is jerked back as though it was on fire.

"Noo, I just wanted to know why you have what looks like a Reds' tat, a slaver brand and somehow managed to join the Alliance by 18."

"I think I was 17, maybe. But yea. I'm awesome which is why when we get back to the Normandy you should totally think about moving into my cabin."

Tali starts giggling again, "She has a bit of a one track mind doesn't she."

"We are going to sit in this shade while Tali gets some kind of communicator working. So why don't you sit on the other side of her, no the other side and tell my why you were in a gang."

Shepard leans against one of the tires with her legs splayed in front of her. "Well they feed me, mostly. And taught me where I could sleep without freezing to death in the winter." Without her usual heavy armour Shepard looks smaller and more vulnerable than normal.

"Shep?"

"Yea, so maybe I stole and shit, but I quit after they got in a pitched fight with the Cops. I didn't really mind killing other gang members, or street orphans or yea. Just not cops."

"What age did you join?"

"So I didn't really join as much as they found me in a bin and used me to get sympathy food. I guess it doesn't matter because the Police didn't mind shooting a 14 girl when they raided the headquarters I was sleeping in. I managed to stagger to the local space port and get an Alliance ship to land on me."

She leans back and smiles, "That's when I met Dr Chakwas. She patched me up and dumped me on Mindoir. I guess you could kinda say she way like a mother figure. I got like some fluffy white things to watch and the colonist taught me to read. It was a good deal."

"Wait are you telling me that you were actually a Shepard? Is that where your name came from seriously?"

"No I just watched the fluffy white things and stopped the varren from eating them."

Tali and Ashley are laughing their heads off now. Shepard's story had gone from tragic to hilarious.

"Shep, the fluffy white things are sheep. You herded sheep, as in a sheep herder. Hence Shepard."

"Damn it. Fuck you guys, you don't get the rest of the story."

Shepard crosses her arms and sulks, Ashley leans past Tali to rub her shoulder, "Aww don't worry Skipper, you are so high you probably won't remember this."

Night has fallen by the time Tali has communications to the Normandy up. Shepard is sleeping on the ground having finally crashed. As the ship lands Ashley finds herself unable to wake the Commander, she sighs and lifts her bridal style to carry her in. After checking with Chakwas Ash tucks Shepard into her own bed in the Captain's cabin.

"Stay?" The hand on her wrist has none of brash attention it had earlier in the day, coupled with the near pathetic look Shepard gives her Ash feels means just pushing it away.

"Not tonight Skip."


	2. Chapter 2

Shepard's bare feet are pounding up the stairs and muscle memory carries her all the way to the flight deck before she fully wakens. Years of ship board living have not been wasted.

"Joker, status report now!"

He goes visibly pale, turning on the alarm in her quarters seems much less funny with a furious Shepard breathing down his neck than when Chakwas suggested it in the mess over breakfast. He sits silently, the complete lack of warnings on the flight console indicates no emergencies.

"Well?"

"Chakwas suggested that the best way to check for impaired reflexes would be to..." He trails off as her dirty fingers grip the back of his shitty polymer chair. Joker is unwilling to complete the sentence as he knows his CO could easily break half the bones in his body with a single slap. Hell she killed a thresher maw on foot yesterday, he can smell the grime and dirt on her as she breathes down the back of his neck.

The tension in the enclosed room melts as Shepard laughs. "Now that's just sad Joker, not only did you not think of it, you don't even have the balls to pretend it was your prank."

"What?"

"Seriously? With the amount of medical treatment you have had in your life I would have thought you would have been in on that joke."

A look of understanding dawns on his face, "Aw dammit Chakwas, I would have set up cameras."

The pace Shepard sets on the way back down to the mess is a lot slower. Now fully awake the metal floor is cold on her feet and the artificial lighting hurts her eyes. Though from previous hangovers the great Commander Shepard knows that any light can do that trick. She wonders about the level of Immunity left in her blood stream and decides that she is probably still technically under the influence. Excellent, she smiles and keys the com in the mess, "XO Pressley, you are to maintain command for the next 24 hour cycle."

With that minor task behind her Shep turns to the far more important task of burnt toast and powdered eggs. The first mouthful is great, but Shepard can see Dr Chakwas about to leave the med bay, not at all in the mood for interruptions or inspections she grabs her plate and sneaks into the elevator. The cargo bay has more activity than usual with Tali and Garrus stripping the MAKO wreck for parts. Ashley is listening to Tali squawk her shock over surviving yesterday with a smile on her face.

"Keelah, the controls were gone before the second hit we took. I didn't even notice any difference in the driving than normal."

Ashley starts snickering, "I am reasonably sure the Commander has never even picked up the manual for it."

"You are damn right Soldier, reading is for losers." All heads whip towards her, two looking slightly chastened for talking about their CO behind her back, the krogan looking amused at his squad mates being caught and Tali could be poking her tongue out for all she knew.

"I, what?" The Gunnery Chief is shocked at the joking statement being confirmed, "How are you allowed to drive it?"

"Under Alliance regs I'm not. I just yell spectre authority and all my problems go away, it's pretty neat." Shepard grins and sits on the removed MAKO seats. She shuffles a little before digging back into her rapidly cooling breakfast.

Activity resumes with quiet conversation as Shepard finishes her breakfast.

"Shepard."

"Wrex."

"A maw on foot Shepard, that would have been impressive without the vehicle support." She places the plate to the side and stands with a stumble. Yep still slightly high.

"It's impressive as fuck you old dinosaur. They ran for the hills." She pokes him in the chest and he rumbles with laughter.

"I killed a maw on foot during my rite. No vehicle artillery for me."

"Bet you had armour, you lazy cheat." Shepard and Wrex are toe to toe, glaring. "There is only one way to settle this." Wrex returns to his corner to remove his armour.

As Shepard reaches the MAKO she is bombarded with questions, enquiring everything from her sanity, the rules and the stakes.

"Winner gets a kiss from Ashley?"

"NO."

"Did not see you behind me there Chief. Wrap my hands for me would you?" As Ashley wraps her hands tightly Shepard leans in to whisper in her ear. "I, uh just wanted to say thanks. For last night I mean, I hate waking up in the med bay. And um, it was really sweet the way you tucked me into bed."

"Shepard, are you blushing?" She moves on to the left wrist.

"No, fuck you soldier. But seriously no one has ever done that for me before. So thanks."

"Aww, well that is you already to get pulped by Wrex. But hey win and I might give you that kiss."

"Really?" A hopeful glint enters the Commander's eye and Ashley knows she made a mistake. Shepard is high, sleep deprived and on her best day hand to hand with a Krogan Battlemaster is suicidal. Yet for a maybe she will not tap out.

The fight ended with red and orange blood liberally splattered all over the cargo bay. Liara had Wrex in a lift while Kaidan held a dazed Shepard in a Stasis field.

"I think you both need to visit Chakwas, and next time inform the crew of any friendly 'competitions' before Pressly has to order biotic riot control." Kaidan always seemed to be the voice of reason.

One hour later an incredibly bruised and sheepish Shepard returns to the cargo bay. She ignores Garrus and Tali's laughter, refuses to talk to a fully healed Wrex and taps Ashley on the shoulder.

"Did that count as winning?"

Ashley looks at the split and swollen face in front of her. Shepard's eyes are big and hopeful.

"No, not at all."

AN - Not trying to force reviews, but I like them and the positive re-enforcement they provide, any thoughts are appreciated. Thanks for reading.


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey Chief, got a challenge for you." Shepard dumps three large boxes on Ashley's workstation. "I want you to help me combine then fit a Heavy/Medium set then use the left over plates to pump up the protection on Liara's shitty light armour."

The light armour is deposited on the ground as Ashley checks what she is working with, "Aite, so we have Elkoss Combine for the heavy plates, good choice Skip, did you want to start removing them from the mesh?" She is talking mostly to herself as she considers the challenge presented to her. Even in the harsh light her eyes are glowing happily and Shepard has to stop herself from staring as the Gunnery Chief bends over the table to open the medium armour box. "I don't recognise this stuff Shep what is it?"

Shepard tears her eyes away from the tightly presented ass, damn it she really needs to get more professional she can't afford to let her emotions slip like the last few days. "Uh it's Spectre grade. Hence the lack of branding. Can we use it as the mesh attaching the Elkoss plates giving a stronger set of armour with less movement restriction?"

"I can't see why not, just leave this here and I'll call you for the fitting in a few hours."

The Commander starts going through the away teams' lockers distributing armour and weapon mods where needed; the best shield upgrades on the market for Kaidan with a note added to see Chakwas for an upgraded amp, some weapon mods for Wrex and Garrus, Ashley gets the spare heavy assassin armour they 'liberated' from Lunar Base, Liara will be covered with the heavier plates from the Spectre armour added to hers. At Tali's locker she pauses, unlike everyone else her armour hasn't been upgraded ever. They do have a Mark X set of quarian armour also 'liberated' from a mission but the health risk is huge.

"Shepard a word if you will." Garrus is standing next to the shiny new MAKO his blue armour reflecting off its brilliant sheen, she has an internal chuckle that won't last long.

"What's on your mind Vakarian?"

He lifts the discarded box, "I had been wondering who had developed Spectre grade armour for humans so quickly, then I saw this." He waves a talon at T. Vasir marked clearly on the packaging.

"Oops." Shepard grins and shrugs, "Nice observational work Officer."

_- I'm calling in that favour._

_ -It's been ten of your years. I thought you would be dead by now._

_ -Well I'm not. Time to pay up._

_ -I will NOT facilitate abuse of a young Quarian on pilgrimage._

_ -You have no choice._

_ -Never, you pyjak scum._

_ -Again you have no choice, remember I am a good enforcer. But if it will make you feel better I am now an alliance officer looking to upgrade a friend's armour with no clean room._

_ -Sending the formula now._

The armour fits suspiciously snugly, a near perfect fit in fact maybe Ashley had been paying nearly as much attention to her figure as... no best not to continue that train of thought.

"Not bad huh Skipper."

"Can you loosen this up Williams?"

Ashley eyes her CO askance, "Is that not a perfect fit?"

"Well it's textbook perfect." She trails off and looks at Ashley's feet.

"But..."

"Ever since basic my armour has been loosened to prevent messing with my back, fucking Batarians."

"Ah." Ashley honestly hadn't noticed the scars in the desert.

"Yea. But if it makes you feel better we can get Tali high so we can fix her armour."

Ashley looks concerned as she has come to view the young quarian as a sister figure to be protected. "Shepard!"

"What? No. You're the only one for me babe." It's accompanied by a exaggerated wink to show the Commander is at least partially joking, "It's also the only way I know of to get her out of the suit without killing her."

Ashley rolls her eyes while reclining on the bench. She can still see faint orange and now brownish stains dotting the cargo bay. The last few days have been a real eye opener about the 'Hero of Humanity'.

"Should I even ask?"

"Honestly? No."

AN - Sorry, it's not even a RL excuse, I'm just super lazy. Enjoy, review if it pleases you. Or not.


	4. Chapter 4

Tali is sitting in spare BDU's in the sterilized airlock as Williams and Shepard work on matching her new armour to the old size. They are suited up to avoid contaminating the air but at this stage the Commander is regretting the need for drugging Tali as she is touching everything.

"I can feel the threads, every thread Shepard. And the floor is really cold."

Ashley isn't helping either, "Did you know that Quarians have those weird face slits?"

"Well yea, how do you think I found out about this immuno booster?"

Williams nearly gets whiplash as she stares at her Commanding Officer, who responds as helpfully as possible with vulgar hand motions.

"What!?"

"Shhh. The sooner we get her suit combat ready the sooner we can leave the ship again."

The suit is nearly done, with extra space for any mods Tali may want to install but Ashley is at the stage where she is happy with the work. Between her and Shepard they get Tali back into the suit, they leave her embroidered hood for her to fix later. Now Tali is beginning to crash Shepard shrugs, picks up the small quarian girl in her arms and proceeds to carry her through the CIC, down the damn stupid stairs, past the mess, kicks the lock for her quarters before dumping Tali on the double bed and leaving her in the dim room.

Ash is waiting just outside the cabin door, "Ah Skip, you sure that is professional?"

"Professional? No." She flashes her a grin, "However she is going to wake up hungover and slightly confused, would you really wanna wake up in your sleeping pod like that?"

"I don't have a pod, but I see your point."

"Why not Chief?"

Ashley looks slightly uncomfortable, "Full crew meant hot bunking, only spare space was Jenkins until we reshuffled at the Citadel. Then it was easier to just bunk in the bay and let Tali take the slot rather than making her share with a Krogan."

An hour later and the Normandy is on course to Feros, ETA two days. There is a vid screen set up in the cargo bay, ostentatiously to show the different species hand to hand techniques to the away team but has devolved into finding stupider fights and injuries on the extranet.

"This idiot tried to skip out on his tab at Chora's," Garrus cannot help but wince as the dancer biotically slaps a mandible off the sleazy turian, "lucky for him Fist was in a good mood."

"Did they fix his face?" Liara is looking a little ill.

"Our plates can't be re attached." He shrugs, "Only a truly careless turian would let that happen to them anyway."

Kaidan tries to bring the tone back to educational with an official vid from his jump zero days. "Boring, bring back the interspecies stuff." With everyone in the cargo bay staring at her Ashley turns bright red. The only sound to be heard is the clicking of Joker's crutches as he disembarks the lift.

"Takes a lot of effort to get those damn stairs on crutches, but you can go grab my porn collection Chief."

Wrex's booming laugh fills the hold. "I have asari/krogan on my omni if that would work Williams." She sinks low in her seat.

"Fighting or fucking Wrex?" Shepard is amused .

"Heh, both."

She glances at Ashley, who is still red and not meeting anyone's eyes. "Maybe we have had enough of biotic cheats, we did say this was hand to hand 'training'."

"So that elcor on ice?" Garrus is helpful as ever.

"Shut up," The illustrious SPECTRE does not have an argument here. "How about a human vs two vorcha?"

"Well that can't end well." Garrus sounds intrigued.

"Children should probably leave now. I'm looking at you _sensitive_ types. Alenko, T'Soni." The word sensitive sounds foul as it drips from Wrex's mouth.

"I am 106!"

"I'm nearly 1000. Child."

Their budding disagreement is cut off by the sound of shattering glass on the vid screen.

AN - Whoo, totally back. Ish. Sorry for delay. And mad thanks for all follows, faves and reviews. Especially the reviews.

PS Sorry for the shortness.


	5. Chapter 5

AN - Just a warning, this one is not funny. Also this took so long because my laptop is refusing to operate the screen, then I fell into a hole called destiny.

"Can I have a few of those grenades Skipper?" Ash looks up in time to see Shepard hit the door controls for the Mako and toss the gas grenades out without slowing. "What the HELL is wrong with you Commander?"

With a huge wretch (and some over correcting that nearly sends them off the side of the sky bridge) Shepard get the Mako back on track to Zhu's Hope. "Is your enquiry about the driving or the way too convenient magic gas grenades Chief?"

"What driving, this is an extended crash."

"Aww did little Wrex feel threatened by the droppy whoppy?"

This line of enquiry is immediately answered by a meaty fist to the back of the driver's seat throwing Shepard forward and prompting another bout of swerving.

"Fuck! Calm your shit Wrex. I'm trying to drive here." Shepard can't settle back into the seat as it is well and truly stuffed. "We drop these things from orbit, falling a klick or so ain't gonna do shit, worst case we get Joker to drop us at the colony. And Ash, are you seriously that willing to trust a fucking scientist? One that already lied?"

"Uhh..."

Shepard slams on the brakes, "Damn right. Have my shitty Kessler and aim for limbs. Wrex try to maim rather than kill with your biotics, hopefully Chakwas can patch them back together."

Ashley only shoots one colonist, she and Wrex end up clearing all the creepers as Shepard moves like lightning through the settlement, laying waste to the colonists with a piece of rebar. She stands amongst the twitching colonists with a feral grin on her face, not even breathing heavily. At a scuff behind her she spins and hurls the bloody strip of metal at the noise. Fai Dan drops as the rebar cracks his skull.

"You alright there Shepard?" Ashley seems concerned at the carnage.

"Never better Chief," Shepard pushes the hair off her face leaving a bloody streak across her forehead, "Call Chakwas and the LT to clean these people up while Wrex and I find the entrance. Oh and tell them hardsuits cos spores or some shit."

"Wait does that mean we're exposed?"

"Well yea, but we shall slay the monster, demon, plant god? Whatever. Any way so long as we don't get our best and brightest compromised we the mission will be fine."

The Normandy is silent as the crew reels in the aftermath of Virmire. Shepard is sitting slumped at her private terminal having more than her usual trouble with words as she struggles with the mission report. She knows that the personal letter that comes next will be much harder. It is almost a relief when the cabin door hisses open and Ashley barrels through, throwing her off the chair and up into the wall.

"Why Kaidan? Why not me? I'm just a grunt and a Williams to boot. He was the superior Officer, a Biotic, had level three combat tech certification and was a fucking medic too. Next to him I'm fucking NOTHING." Ashley is yelling an inch away from her face while pining her to the wall, there is no possible way for her to miss Shepard's muttered reply.

"You're not nothing to me."

"So what, you killed him over some sick fantasy crush? What the fuck is wrong with you?"

At this Shepard tenses and pushes Ash back staring back into her accusing eyes, "What the fuck was I supposed to do? The bomb had to go off Chief, if he could change the timer the geth sure as shit could too. Someone had to babysit it. Let's look at my options shall we?

Do I send the tech expert or the 'grunt' with the STG distraction? The tech expert would be better with the bomb don't you agree?"

Ashley stare mutely back at her anger still seething through her.

"Still following my logic here Chief? Good. So far my valuable tech expert is with the bomb safe and sound on the Normandy and my 'disposable grunt' is with the distraction.

Next step, collect the STG captain from AA towers so I have some the Council will actually listen to corroborate the truth. Now halfway there Saren's reinforcements fuck my plan. Now I have to choose, do I a) get the bomb which if I succeed I may lose me the AA towers and the evidence against Saren or b) get the evidence and keep control of the guns, with the short timer Kaidan can hold a barrier until the bomb blows.

Lose your fucking martyr complex, Ash. I made the best tactical choices there were to make, I lost one of the best humanity had to offer, not because of any feelings I may have but because I least worst call I could in a shit situation."

"I..."

"Dismissed Chief."

Ashley leaves with her head hanging low the door slowly sliding shut after her, leaving Shepard alone in deafening silence.

AN - Sorry to leave it on a downer but I never thought they would make it in ME1, regs and personal honor codes and all.

Hope you enjoyed the story.

PS If anyone wants to crank ME3 or Destiny on xbox live hit me up with a PM.


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